Closure

Please forgive my tardiness in writing this post, between trying to find an internship, finding a house, finishing up some papers, and taking final exams my life has been a bit ...hectic.  But alas, here I sit on a lovely Monday afternoon writing.

Without Closure

With Closure

 So, what prompted me to write a post on closure you ask? Let me fill you in..

        In college I dated a guy, let us call him "Hal", for about a year and we wound up breaking up a week before my graduation.  We did not break up because we were unhappy in our relationship, rather, we broke up because I was moving away and having a long distance relationship was not an option for either of us.  Fast forward 4 months and I am still having these gut-wrenching feelings whenever I think about him.  Don't get me wrong, we had a good relationship, but it was definitely not a "forever and ever"-type relatioship if you catch my drift. 

        Anywho, I met Ryan and things were going great, but everytime "Hal" would contact me I would turn into an emotional nutcase.  Here I am a year and a half into a relationship with the most amazing person I have ever known in my whole life, and I still find myself thrown into a tizzy every time I think of "Hal".  After trying to deal with this, I told "Hal" to stop contacting me and he agreed.  I felt like a total bitch, because to be honest, he did nothing wrong and we ended on great terms....this got me thinking a bit.  In my past relationships I was able to let go fairly easy because we ended on bad terms, but ending on good terms was something that was entirely new to me.  After spending some time thinking this over, I realized that this was the problem.  By ending our relationship because of distance, not because of a flaw within our relationship, I did not get the closure I needed to fully move on.  Instead, I was left with a whole lot of "what ifs" that were constantly seeping into my consciousness and my current relationship.  Here is a good way to think about it.  

       Think of a closet that is well organized with everything in it's appropriate place, organized, that is the mindset of someone who has closure in a relationship.  Now, imagine a closet with shit just shoved in there, with no rhyme or reason at all.... a closet so full and messy that you can barely shut the door, this is the mindset of someone who does not have closure.  Now, with either of these closets you can shut the door and put these things out of mind, but what happens when you (or "Hal" in this case) opens the door?  Well, if you have a neat closet you can open the door and everything stays in place, but if you have a messy closet shit just comes flying out at you....this is what it feels like to not have closure in a relationship, no matter what the circumstances were regarding the termination of the relationship.  "Hal" was a great boyfriend and a really amazing human being, and I really would have loved to remain friends with him, but after 2 years of trying to find a place for our friendship I have found that I do not have one.  In my case the best thing that I can do for "Hal", Ryan, and myself is to make that closet door one that has to remain shut, meaning that I cannot have further contact with "Hal".  

        This realization is something that really upset me, because I tried so hard to find a place for our friendship, but I have realized that it is in the best interest for both myself and my relationship that I keep that door shut. I hope that one day I can find a way to turn these messy and unorganized feelings into something more organized, I truly do, but until then I need to look out for the relationship that I am in.  I wish "Hal" the best and that I have such a high opinion of him, and that I sincerely hope that he finds a partner who makes him as happy as Ryan makes me.  

        My advice to people who are struggling with similar situations is this, realize that there is a place and a time for everyone that comes into your life (both good and bad) and that part of embracing their presence is the ability to embrace their absence.  If someone is meant to be in your life they will be, it is as simple as that.  Do not waste your time longing for people who have left, instead focus on, and be thankful for, the people who have decided to stay.  

My Favorite Quote

I recently re-discovered one of my favorite poems by Robert Frost, The Black Cottage.  This is a rather lengthy poem, but it has such a great message.  While the whole poem is wonderful, my favorite part comes towards the end.  To me the message in these few lines is so strong, so promising. It says that just because you cannot see something that does not necessarily mean that it is not real.  Shoot, all the best things in life like love, friendship, and happiness are intangible but just as real as the shoes on your feet.  The things that are meant to be will be, there is nothing that you or I can do about it. 

For, dear me, why abandon a belief

Merely because it ceases to be true.

Clint to it long enough, and not a doubt

It will turn true again, for so it goes.

 Most of the change we think we see in life

Is due to truths being in and out of favor. 

Frost March 26, 1874 – January 29, 1963

Spring

It is officially SPRING and in case you could not tell by the all caps I'm excited!  I love spring, it is my second favorite season (next to fall) and marks the point in the year when I can switch out my cold weather clothes for warm weather ones!  I got a little over-excited and began this process the other week, and after a lot of sweat and tears I made quite a few cuts.  Some of my past favorite pieces are going to get donated or sold so that I can make a place for some of my new babies that I have already started purchasing.  My most recent find is a super cute romper that I found at Forever 21 by featured designer Rory Beca, and let me tell you, it is ah-ma-zing!  It has a super cute print and a really cool "racer" style back which I am really digging.  I also bought an asymmetrical neon green-ish necklace to pair with it, making the total price of this outfit $31.70. Not too bad if I do say so myself! I also bought a really cute dress from ASOS, it should arrive by next Tuesday!

In addition to my new finds, I am also really looking forward to bringing some of my favorites out of hibernation!  Here are a few pieces that I am most looking forward to wearing in the upcoming warmer months!

Coral dress

My go to statement necklace

Lilly

Lilly

More Lilly

And Chanel

~*~Happy Spring Y'all~*~

Mix It Up!

One of my current obsessions is trying to master the art of mixing-and-matching clothing.  I am so tired of my standard outfits, I yearn for something more, something.....funky.  That's right, I said funky!  I have spent the last few weeks following blogger Blair Eadie from Atlantic-Pacific trying to find a way to work her ah-ma-zing style into something that I can do too! Whether its mixing tweed with leopard, polka-dots with stripes (and baubles), or bright pops of color with even brighter pops of color- this girl is fashion gold! So I have been trying to emulate her looks by doing a lot of layering prints and colors, loading on the accessories, and just overall trying to have more fun with my wardrobe.  So far the results have been pretty good, Ryan even comments on how he likes my new outfits!  And let me tell you, if it looks good enough to get a compliment from a guy who thinks shopping for clothes is stupid then its pretty damn good!  Give her site a look, you're bound to be inspired...and jealous!

Making a Change

I am not one to advocate for "skinny" but I do believe in the importance of being healthy.  With this being said I should let it be known that I have not been very kind to my body in the last 2 years or so.  When I was in high school I was very active, between sports and working out I probably spent upwards of 3 hours of a day engaged in some sort of physical activity.  Then came college.  Although I was not nearly as active as I was in high school I still spent a good amount of time walking around campus and being "outdoorsy" with friends.  This moderate to high level of activity enabled me to eat whatever I liked (hello "Fried Fridays" at the Kappa house) and not have to pay the repercussions.  Fast forward to grad school, things ain't looking so hot.  This is not to say that I let myself go, but between take out dinners and zip, zero, zilch activity my McDonald's runs really started to add up.... and so did my weight.  All in all I gained around 7 pounds, but on a 5'4 frame it shows, trust me.  I decided that I would train for a half marathon, but about a month into it I hurt my I.T. band and was told to take it easy until it healed.  I decided then and there that if I couldn't work out to take the weight off that I would have to eat better, and eat better I did.  Now, I know some people who decide they want to lose weight cut out yummy stuff (cookies, brownies, ice cream, mmmmm) all together, but this doesn't work in the long run.  Yes you lose weight now, but do you really think you have the will power to go brownie-less for the rest of your life? No, you don't, face it.  So, what I decided to do is eat what I like (within reason) and just be careful of portions.  No, really, that's it.  It is not as fast of a process as I would have liked it to be, but it has been virtually pain-free and entirely effective. All together I lost about 8 pounds, which is not a ton, but it was enough to achieve the change I desired.  My end goal was never to be "skinny" but to be healthy and get my body back to the size that it has been for the last 8 years and I did just that!  Noticing the change, I decided to spend a little bit of the afternoon going through clothes I was going to donate because they were too tight only to find that they fit, hell, most of them are even a little loose!    Point of the story is this, small changes really add up and if you have the determination to make a change you are going to see results.  

Back to College-Sized Me!

Winnie

Meet "Winnie"

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon in Oxford, MS when I first met Winnie.  I was browsing around Village Taylor on The Square and there she was in all of her glory.... Tall, sleek, fashionable, gorgeous.... and over-priced.  No, Winnie is not a person, she is a boot by Tory Burch.  I love TB's designs, I really do, but they are just so damn expensive.  Too poor to afford these boots I called my dad begging, only to be laughed off.  Well, I finally saved up enough money to buy these babies on my own only to find out that they were out of stock.... and have been for the last 2 1/2 years.  Fast forward to last week, I was browsing e-bay and there they were in all their glory AND MY SIZE!  For the next 5 days I was in a heated bidding war with this t***l character and while the price rose so did my determination to makes these boots mine!  Well $137 (and $17 in shipping) later I am FINALLY the proud owner of these boots and I couldn't be more thrilled.  Moral of the story is that good things come to those who wait.... and blow their grocery budget on boots (sorry Ryan)!