Date For The Relationship You Want

I'll bet you an imaginary dollar that you have heard the expression "dress for the job you want, not the one you have" or something similar, right? Good! Well I dare say that a variation of the same is true for relationships. 

How many times have you gone on a date with a guy, made out in the back seat of his car and then cried yourself to sleep because he never called you back? Too many times is my guess.  There is this universal idea called the rule of attraction which postulates that like attracts like, aka girls putting out attract men who are looking for a little action and not a relationship (and quite frankly are not fit to be in one). So many girls go into dates thinking that the guy will be more likely to show interest if they put out, which is true, but in cases like this all that the guys are interested in is sex not what kind of girlfriend or wife you would be. Women also tend to think that you need to put out in order to keep a guy around, again this is true, but rest assured that these are not the type of men you want hanging around. Don't get me wrong, I am a big believer in the mythical "stripper with a heart of gold"-esque urban legend, but much like whoreish men, they are few and far between so holding your breath would be ill-advised.You may be asking yourself what this all means and to be honest it is quite simple, date for the relationship you want.

If you are looking for a fling or a hook-up buddy getting drunk and fooling around on the first date is a great idea because this is the type of "relationship" you are looking for, however, if this is not what you want I would strongly advise against this behavior.  Your behavior in the first few dates sets the tone for the rest of the relationship and puts you into the appropriate "zone" (friend zone, girlfriend zone, booty call zone). If you are looking for a relationship it is so important that you present yourself as someone who is girlfriend material: respectable, intelligent, classy and confident. All of these qualities (in addition to numerous others) are ones that are positively associated with the "girlfriend" prototype and depicting yourself in this manner lets the guy see you as someone who is girlfriend material, or at least it plans the seed in his mind. 

After the first few weeks of dating gone by it is so important that you keep up the classy behavior meaning no sex, oral or otherwise. Yes, you read that correctly, I am advising you against having sex and here is the reason why.  Most any guy can wait a week or two for sex, but a guy who can wait a month or more is someone who is into you for reasons other than your body, meaning that he is interested in who you are as a person. If a guy likes you for these reasons, the right reasons, he will have no problem keeping it in his pants for as long as it takes for him to win your heart. Plus, even the best guys lose interest early on in the relationship if sex is freely offered up. Not having sex early in a relationship forces the guy to get to know you and form a bond with you over something other than lust and desire, instead he begins to become attached to you because he cares for, and respects, who you are as a person. This early process can be tedious and frustrating, but if you are really and truly wanting a partner in life then it is one that needs to handled with patience and care because it really is one of the most important phases in any relationship.

Once this attachment has been established and exclusivity has been decided upon intimacy can be incorporated into the relationship. Having an emotional commitment to each other is so critical to having a well-rounded and satisfying sexual relationship. Granted, you can have great sex with some random person, but if it is with someone you care about then the connection goes so much deeper and makes the sex that much more satisfying.  Plus, if you are having sex with someone who cares about you they are going to be a lot more likely to take your sexual needs and desires into consideration which ultimately leads to greater sexual satisfaction. 

When dating it is so important to keep your eye on the prize and not let yourself be distracted by "bad boys" and those who are not worth your time. The more time you spend with these types of guys the more likely you are to let the right guy walk right by you. It is important to spend your energy seeking out relationships that are good for you and walking away from those that aren't. To be honest, I have been in (and stayed in) my fair share of dysfunctional relationships because I was afraid of being alone and I figured that something is better than nothing, but now I see just how wrong I was. After each of these relationships ended I would tell myself that love is a learning process and that the payoff would be well worth it and it totally is. Dating my exes taught me exactly what I want/need in a relationship and what I won't put up with and enabled me to refine my dating game and find someone who is very well-suited for me. The worst thing we can do is not learn from our past because it has so much insight to offer us for our future. Keep your eye on the prize ladies because I assure you that there is someone out there who is looking for someone just like you, you just need to keep your eyes open so you don't miss him when he is right in front of you.